Function a($)
  Dim $c,$d,$e,$f,$g,$h,$i,$j,$k,$l,$m
  
  $c = 'silly#wicked#sordid#naughty#repulsive#malodorous#ill-tempered'
  $d = conspicuously#categorically#positively#cruelly#incontrovertibly
  $e = was#personified
  $f = 'is#masquerades as'
  $g = Hamster#Coconut#Duck#Herring#Newt#Peril#Chicken#Vole#Parrot#Mouse#Twit
  $h = mother#father#grandmother#grandfather#godfather
  $i = 'steed#king#first-born'
  $j = theholygrail
  $k = #s#
  
  For Each $ in $
    Dim $n,$o,$p
    For Each $n in Split($)
      Dim $r
      For $o = 1 to $n ^ 0
        If SubStr($n,$o) > 'A'
          $r = 1
        EndIf
      Next
      $p = $p + $r
      $=Join(Split($,'  '))
    Next
    $n = $
    Do
      Dim $r
      While $n
        $o = Left($n,1)
        If SubStr($j,($r^)+1,1) = $o
          $r = $r + $o
        EndIf
        $n = Right($n,~)
      Loop
      $ = $+\Taunter:#
      If $r = $j
        $ = $+'(A childish hand gesture).'
      Else
        If z($k)
          $ = $+z($g)+!#Your#+z($i)+#+z($f)+#a#
          If $m
            $ = $+z($d)+#
            $d = y($d)
          EndIf
          $m = ~ $m
          $ = $+z($c)
          $c = y($c)
          $g = y($g)
          $i = y($i)
          $f = y($f)
          $p = $p - 3
        Else
          $ = $+Your#+z($h)+#+z($e)+#a
          $h = y($h)
          $e = y($e)
        EndIf
        $ = $+#+LCase(z($g))+'.'
        $k = y($k)
        $g = y($g)
      EndIf
      $p = $p - 3
    Until $p < 1
    $l = Join(Split($l+\Knight:#+$+\,#))
;  Next
  $a=Split(Right($l,~),\)
EndFunction
Function y($)
  $y=Right($,($^)-(#+z($)^))+#+z($)
EndFunction
Function z($)
  $z=Split($,#)[0]
EndFunction