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26. You've come to expect Sunday morning sidewalk vomit dodging.

The writer seems to have signally failed to grasp the cultural importance of this northern variant of hopscotch or "not walking on the lines", as made famous by A.A. Milne.
 
27. You know that "religious holiday" means "let's get pissed."

I have long suspected this was the reason why so many religious holidays were moved from their correct mid-week position to the nearest Saturday. Now I know.

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